


The Parenting Affair

by alynwa



Series: Sugar and Spies Tales [43]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-11
Updated: 2013-07-18
Packaged: 2017-12-19 04:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alynwa/pseuds/alynwa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Waverly has decided how to address a concern raised about the men's ability to raise Leona Nicole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Napoleon Solo and Illya Kuryakin walked through the agents’ entrance in Del Floria’s Tailor Shop after having just arrived from Kennedy Airport.  It was almost ten PM and they were tired from their mission they had concluded in Portland, Oregon hours earlier.  They were both hoping to file a preliminary report and then go home.  It was Wednesday and they were due for a few days off and then, circumstances permitting, they would be working out of UNCLE headquarters for two weeks.  The two men were looking forward to the break from field work; Illya had left several experiments in various stages and Napoleon, as usual, had stacks of reports to read and sign and a backlog of secretaries to date.

The receptionist smiled at them both as the eighteen inches thick steel door snapped closed.  “Welcome back, Gentlemen,” she greeted them cheerily, “Here’s your badge, Agent Kuryakin and here’s yours, Napoleon.”  She stood and leaned slightly forward over her desk to affix it to his left lapel and her smile changed from friendly to flirtatious.  “It’s good to have you back.”

“Thank you…Wendy, is it?” Napoleon hadn’t met her, but had heard from Lisa Rogers that a new receptionist was onboard.  “Do you know if Mr. Waverly is still about?”

“Yes, he is; in fact, he wants to see you and Mr. Kuryakin ASAP.  Should I call Miss Rogers to let her know you’re on your way?”

“Yes; tell her we’re going to get coffee and then go see Mr. Waverly.”  Napoleon moved to go past, but stopped and said, “Wendy, I plan to be in town for awhile.  Perhaps, you and I could get together for a drink or…something?”

As the young redhead began to blush furiously, Illya grabbed his partner’s arm and said, “I would advise against making plans before we hear what Mr. Waverly has to tell us” before tugging the senior agent gently to follow him.

“You’re right, Partner Mine.  Wendy, you and I will talk later,’ he said apologetically before heading through the inner door behind Illya.

Fifteen minutes later, they were sipping large cups of coffee in their usual seats at The Old Man’s conference table waiting for him to finish looking over a file so he could speak to them.  The CEA assumed they were about to get another assignment and inwardly sighed.  _I really was hoping to get to know Miss Wendy better this week._

Mr. Waverly looked up finally and removed his pipe from his mouth.  “Mr. Kuryakin, Mr. Solo, I received a phone call from the City’s Department of Children’s Services this past Monday about Miss Reilly.”  Illya paled visibly as he continued.  “Apparently, one of the social workers at your daughter’s pre – school, Mr. Kuryakin, was concerned because her adoption came about so quickly, you were never vetted as a potential parent and might not have been ready to undertake the responsibilities of childrearing.”

“Is it not a little late for the City to be concerned?  Leona has been with Napoleon and me for six months!  Did you not tell them the pre – school is for the children of UNCLE employees and out of their jurisdiction?  Why did you…”  The Russian’s voice faded away under his superior’s glare and his realization that he was dangerously close to insubordination.  “Forgive me, please, Sir.  I meant no disrespect.  It is just…”

“I know what it is ‘just,’ Agent Kuryakin.  Watch yourself.  Regardless of the school’s private status, the City has the right to be concerned about a child’s safety.  Because this is a special case, my conversation was with the Director of the department.  He was a most stubborn fellow, but we were able to compromise.”

Napoleon, who had been listening quietly, finally spoke up.  “A compromise, Sir?”

“Yes.  Since you are unmarried, he wanted to have social workers come to your home and observe you with the child.  Totally unacceptable.  However, we were finally able to agree that Mr. Kuryakin will attend a parenting class for a week, as will you, Mr. Solo.  The class will be from eight to four and will be held at Child Services’ headquarters starting this Monday.”

The two agents were shocked at Mr. Waverly’s pronouncement.  Napoleon’s tongue untied first.  “We’re to go to _parenting class?_   What about my paperwork?  I’m sure there are stacks of it in my ‘In’ box!”

“And my experiments!  They have been on hold for days!”

“These are your choices, Gentlemen: Break your adoption and guardianship and allow the Greers to raise her fulltime or place her into foster care and hope someone adopts her, or go to parenting class and keep the status quo.  Did I make the wrong one for you?”

Both men replied, “No, Sir.”

Mr. Waverly harrumphed, their signal that this meeting was soon coming to a close.  “I thought not.  I suggest you two do what you can to clear your desks and calendars and delegate what you must.  Bring your completion certificates so they can be included in your files.  Thank you.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sir,” they replied as they stood and walked out of his office.  Wordlessly, they entered the elevator and went to their office.  They sat down and stared at each other.

Illya shook his head.   “Mr. Waverly got that call two days before we came home.  He could have had Leona removed from the Greers and we would not have known until it was too late. I hope that means that he supports our keeping her.  I love Leona and I would do anything to keep her.  Attending a class for a week is a very, very small price to pay.  Lab experiments be damned, I will not lose my baby.”

“Neither will I if I can help it, Tovarisch.  We will be the best students that parenting teacher ever met.  Let’s go home. Obviously, we’ll be working tomorrow and Friday to clear our desks so I could use something to eat, a drink and a good night’s sleep in my own bed.  I’ll call Rosie and let her know that we’ll pick Leona up tomorrow from pre – school.”  He waggled his eyebrows.  “And let’s not tell Leona we don’t know how to take care of her.  I don’t want her to think it’s just been a fluke that we haven’t dropped her yet.”

Illya broke into laughter.  “Thank you, moy droog.  I needed that.”

MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU

The next day, both men were at their desks before dawn in an effort to complete as much work as possible in anticipation of being away for a week.  Illya met with several of the “lab rats” to bring them up to speed on his experiments and go over his notes so they could work without him present.  Napoleon met with April and Mark as he was designating Mark as Acting CEA and it was just easier to have April in the meeting as Mark relied on her like he relied on Illya.

They were eating sandwiches at their desks.  Illya finished his first and threw the remains into his trashcan.  “It is after three; I am going to pick up Leona from daycare.  What time do you think you will be coming home?”  He stood up and reached over to snag a few of Napoleon’s potato chips while deftly avoiding being swatted.

“Hey!  Does Leona actually _get_ to eat an afterschool snack or do you eat that, too?  I should be home by seven; I’ll stop on the way in and pick up our dinner.  The vegetables for her dinner are already cooked.  Do you think you can make some rice without ruining it?”

Illya rolled his eyes.  “You are never going to let me forget the soufflé fiasco, are you?  Rice should not be a problem.  I will see you at home.”

MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU

 _“Ilpwu sikumchilul mekko, tal; kukes un kanghan key toypnita.  (Eat some spinach, Daughter; it will make you strong.)”_ Illya said in Korean to the little girl seated on his lap.  She took in another spoonful of spinach and rice as she watched Papa put the spoon down and pick up a cup.

She swallowed her food, smiled and said, “Milk!” as she reached out her hands to grab it.

“Yes, my love!  This is milk!  You drink and I will hold the cup.  You are so very smart.  You are speaking more and more everyday and I think you will grow up to be a physicist like your _Papa!”_ he said as he leaned in and kissed her temple.  “It is time to bathe you and put you to bed.  Daddy will be home soon and he will come in to say goodnight.”

As he went about preparing her for bed, he couldn’t help but think, _Look at how my life has changed in six months!_ He lifted her from the bathtub.  “Leona Nicole, who am I?” 

“Papa!” she squealed delightedly as he tickled her gently.The first time Leona had called him that was three months earlier on Thanksgiving Day.* It was one of the happiest memories of his life.

“Yes, I am” he answered. _I am a Papa,_ he thought proudly, _Nothing will ever change that._ “Do you know what Papa and Daddy will be doing next week?” he asked as he dressed her in clean pajamas, “We will be learning how to become better parents.”  He picked her up, hugged her and then leaned back to look at her face.  “What is that you say?  We are already wonderful parents?  Thank you, moy lyubov, but Mr. Waverly says that we must go to this class to prove we deserve you.”

Leona didn’t really understand everything Papa was saying, but she was enjoying listening to the sound of his voice.  “You,” she repeated, “You, you, you, you, Papa, Papa, you, you, you!”

“Yes, it is me, me, me, me, me, meeeeeee!” he sang operatically as he danced her around her room in his arms and then laid her down in bed.  “It is time for you, you, yooooouuu to go to sleep!”

“Wait!” Napoleon called from the hallway, “I’m coming to say goodnight!”

“Daddy!” Leona yelled happily when he appeared in her doorway.  “Hi!”

“How’s my favorite girl?  Did you eat a good dinner for Papa?” Daddy asked as he came to stand on the opposite side of the bed from Illya.  He bent down and laid kisses on both her cheeks as she hugged him tightly.

“Yes!”

Napoleon sat quickly on the bed and pulled her close.  “I love you, Leona Nicole Hyun Reilly, more than I would have believed possible.”  After one more kiss, he laid her back down.  “Sleep tight, ‘night, ‘night.”

“’Night, Daddy.  ‘Night, Papa.”

Illya turned off the lamp and her Barbie doll nightlight began to glow in the dark.  The two men went into the hall and Napoleon closed the door.  “I hope you brought something substantial for dinner; I am starving.”

Later on, as the men sat in the living room with their after dinner drinks, they exchanged looks and Illya said, “Next week is going to be _very_ interesting.”

 

 

*ref. “Thanksgiving Young and Older


	2. Chapter 2

That weekend before Illya and Napoleon started parenting class, they enjoyed Leona’s company to the utmost.  Saturday afternoon was spent at the zoo in Central Park and riding the carousel and going to dinner that night in Chinatown and walking afterwards along Canal Street laughing as Leona shrieked at the live fish squirming around in the fish market displays.  They came back home and played Horsy and Peekaboo until the toddler could barely keep her eyes open. They then decided to play Camping Out.  Daddy and Papa helped Leona strip her bed and make a “floor bed” in the living room.  Afterwards, Napoleon and Illya changed into their pajamas, stripped their own beds and set up their own sleeping areas on either side of Leona.

Napoleon bathed and dressed her in pink and white pajamas while Illya warmed up milk and placed it in a Sippy cup.  “Here’s our little princess all clean and ready for bed,” Napoleon announced with aplomb as they walked into the empty living room.  “Take off your slippers, Sweetheart.  This area is a ‘No footwear’ zone.”

Laughing, they both kicked off their slippers and stepped barefoot onto their beds.  “Papa!” Leona called, “Come to bed!”

“I am coming, Daughter.  I made some warm milk for you,” Illya answered as he entered the room barefoot.  He knelt down and handed the cup to her.  “Hold it in both hands, Leona.”

She did as she was told and took a drink.  “I don’t want more, Papa,” she said as she handed it back.

“Are you sure?”  At her nod, Illya drank the rest down and smacked his lips.  “Good milk.”

Napoleon said, “It’s time for all good little girls, Papas and Daddies to go to sleep.”

They both kissed Leona goodnight and watched as she drifted away in slumber.  “Please tell me, Napoleon, that we will be in the house relaxing tomorrow?”

“That is my plan, Tovarisch.  I want to be as fresh as possible for Monday.”

The Russian flopped back onto his bed and threw his right arm over his eyes.  “Turn out the light, please.”  He removed his arm when the darkness replaced the light.  “I have a feeling that next week is going to be hard in so many ways,” he whispered.

Napoleon spoke softly also as their daughter lay asleep between them.  “Don’t be such a pessimist, Illya.  We’ll take the class, we’ll do well and everyone will know that we can raise this child.  We’ll be fine.”

Illya felt sleep tugging at his consciousness.  “I wish I had your confidence” was the last thing he said before sleep claimed him. 

MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU

Monday morning, bright and early, the two fathers and their daughter were sitting having breakfast; Napoleon was having his usual toasted everything bagel slathered with cream cheese, Illya was eating his new favorite, bacon, eggs and grits while he also was feeding Leona oatmeal with diced banana on top.

“So, Leona,” Napoleon said, “Papa isn’t usually here when I tell you what I’m going to do all day.  Is it alright that he listens to our conversation?”

Illya watched her swallow her food.  “I will not tell anyone what you and Daddy say to each other,” he said with a serious look on his face.  “I promise.”

Leona giggled, “I know, Papa.”  She looked at her Daddy.  “What you doing, Daddy?”

“I am going to school with Papa!  We are going to learn how to be a better Daddy and a better Papa.  That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”

“Yes.”

Napoleon smiled as he wiped her mouth and set her on the floor.  “I thought you would agree.  Let’s get you to pre – school, Young Lady.  Papa and I don’t want to be late for our first day of class.”

MFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFUMFU

Illya and Napoleon arrived at the Department of Children’s Services at a quarter to eight with briefcases and coffee cups in hand.  After showing their IDs, they were directed to the ninth floor, room 916, to present themselves to Mrs. Mercer, the class instructor.  The door was closed and there were ten young women, three of them pregnant, milling about in the hall.

“Good morning, Ladies,” Napoleon said with a smile, “Are you all waiting for Mrs. Mercer?”

A woman who looked to be in her mid – twenties stepped closer to the men.  “Hi, I’m Natalie and yes, this is Mrs. Mercer’s parenting class.  Are you two meeting your wives here?”

Napoleon actually blushed.  “Ah, no; my name in Navarre Solange and my friend here, Eddie Case and I are _taking_ Mrs. Mercer’s class.”

That tidbit of information caught the ear of every woman standing there and caused a slight murmur.  As they moved closer, another woman spoke up, “Hello.  My name is Susan.  We weren’t told any… _new_ students were joining; we’ve all been coming for weeks!” she said as she eyed them suspiciously.

“We’re attending this week since the class will be about toddlers and that’s what we need to learn.”

Another woman said, “Hi, my name is Carol, it’s nice to meet you both.”  She made eye contact with Illya and asked, “You have a toddler?”

The body language of the silent, smaller man seemed to shift ever so slightly as to give the woman pause, but Navarre’s smile broadened and he interjected, “I’m sure you’re all curious, but I’m also sure Mrs. Mercer will want to hear what we have to say, so let’s wait until she’s here, shall we?”

Before Susan, Carol or anyone else could answer, another woman stepped off the elevator.  “Good morning!”  She looked at her newest students and smiled.  “I’m Mrs. Alice Mercer.  Come in, come in.  Welcome.”  She went to stand by her desk and watched as her new students moved around the circle of folding chairs with writing arms to choose seating.  She noted with mild interest that they chose seats towards the rear of the room which afforded them a view of the entire room plus both classroom doors.  After her class was seated, she took the seat directly in front of her desk and though she was speaking to everyone, it was obvious she was directing her remarks to the men.

“Hello, again.  My name is Alice Mercer; we don’t really stand on ceremony so Alice is just fine.  Since we have new students, I would like to use this time to have us introduce and say a little something about ourselves.  I am the mother of four children and I have been teaching this Basic Parenting class for five years.”  She looked directly at Napoleon and Illya.  “I have to say I have never had a man in my class before, let alone two, so I would really like to start with you.  Tell us about yourselves, please.”

Illya colored slightly, but sat up straight and said, “My name is Eddie Case.  I am a salesman for an international corporation.  While on a business trip in South Korea, I came across an orphan, approximately two years old, who was abandoned on the streets of a small village.  I was able to bring her with me to America and adopt her as my daughter.  I am taking this class to become a better parent.”

Alice nodded as she listened.  “Welcome, Eddie.  And, you?” she said as her gaze turned to Napoleon.

“Ah, hello.  My name is Navarre Solange.  Eddie and I are business partners and best friends.  I happened to be with him when we came across Leona Nicole.  That’s what we named her.”

One of the women spoke up.  “ _We?_ ”

“Yes, I made a suggestion and he liked it.  I’m taking this class because I am her guardian just in case, God forbid, something were to happen to Eddie.”

That statement caused another student to respond, “Wow!  I’m Jean, by the way.  Hi.  Eddie, why wouldn’t you name a female relative as guardian?”

Illya sat up straighter, his eyes turning into blue ice.  He didn’t know these women and hated how they seemed to feel no compunction about asking such personal questions.  In his peripheral vision, he caught Napoleon signaling him _Just go along with it!_ He exhaled slowly to calm himself back down and thought, _This is for Leona._

“I have no female relatives, or male relatives for that matter.  I grew up in Europe and lost my entire family during World War Two.  I was raised in an orphanage.  When I came to this country, I befriended Navarre.  He has become the brother and the family I lost.  He is the only person I would trust to raise my child if anything were to happen to me.”

Illya’s comments visibly moved some of his classmates, a couple of whom wiped away tears though three of them looked doubtful.  Alice swiped at her eyes and said, “I’m sorry that you had to dredge up painful memories, Eddie.  Please, don’t feel like you have to delve into your background anymore.  Let’s move along with the introductions.”

“I’m proud of you, Partner Mine; you handled the class this morning like a champ.”  It was lunchtime and the two partners were eating at a Jewish deli down the street from their class.

Illya shrugged as he bit into his sandwich.  “It was not easy.  You know how I feel about discussing my personal life.  I mixed enough truth into the story to make it believable.”

“You mixed enough truth to make those women want to hug you and make it all better.  They definitely like you best, Tovarisch.”

The blond scowled and sipped his coffee.  “I do not want to be liked, Napoleon; I want Alice Mercer to report to her superiors that we are, that _I_ am a good father so that no one attempts to take my child from me.”

They returned for the afternoon session; the morning had been a “getting to know you” time and since the women knew each other fairly well, the bulk of the questions, after introductions, had been directed toward them.  Illya was looking forward to actual lectures and classwork.

Alice wrote on the blackboard the words “Toilet Training.”  She returned to her seat and said, “This is the age when we want to, and have to, start moving our children away from diapers and toward the potty.  I have heard so many stories and seen so many tears from moms who have felt they ‘must be doing it wrong’ because little Susie or Johnny didn’t take to the potty right away.”  She looked at Illya.  “How old is your daughter?”

“Her doctor estimates that she is approximately two and a half years old; maybe closer to three.”

“Have you tried potty training her yet?”

Illya leaned back in his chair and raised his eyebrows.  He glanced at Napoleon, cleared his throat and replied, “We taught her to use the toilet one weekend about two weeks ago.”

The women erupted in disbelief.  “How was that even possible?” was the general consensus.

The Russian looked genuinely confused.  “Like I said before, I am a traveling salesman for an international company.  Navarre and I had to leave town and the people we leave her with are very good, but I did not want to burden them with that task if I could help it.  I found an article that said we could train her over the course of a weekend.  That is what we did.  Is that not normal?”

One of the women spoke up, “No, that’s not normal!   At least not for me!  How did you do it?”

Alice added her voice.  “Yes, please, Eddie, what did you do?”

Illya sat up and said, “The article said to set aside a long weekend when you were able to stay home and focus on the child.  Then give her a lot of liquids, watch for signs that she might have to go and then take her to the potty and tell her to use it.”  He shrugged.  “It worked.”

Alice grinned and said, “I am genuinely impressed!  I have heard this was possible, but I didn’t use intensive training with any of my children.  It’s difficult when you have other things to do and other children to watch.  Navarre, you witnessed this?”

“I ah, was actually involved.  The article said the child needed to be watched constantly, so we would spell each other so one of us was always with her.  She did have a couple of accidents, but we would change her after a few minutes and then heap praise on her for keeping dry.”  Napoleon smiled at the memory. 

Natalie rolled her eyes and remarked, “I guess men really _are_ different because I swear, Navarre, you look like you enjoyed that experience!”

“I did.  It was an opportunity, I think, for the bond Eddie and I are each establishing with her to get stronger.”

Alice interjected, “Well remember, Thursday is Lab Day when you bring your child with you so we can do some hands on exercises, so we’ll all get to meet this bright little girl.  Alright, class, let’s move back into the curriculum.” 

     


	3. Chapter 3

“I think Illya is exaggerating just a little bit,” April said as she took another bite of her meal.  The four agents were having dinner in Napoleon and Illya’s dining room.  They had taken turns feeding Leona Nicole her dinner before Illya had taken her to her room to bathe and dress her in her pajamas.  After that, she was brought back out to play with her parents and “aunt and uncle” until seven o’clock when Napoleon let her kiss everyone goodnight and took her to bed.  He had returned fifteen minutes later when she had fallen asleep and served the meal.

Napoleon picked up the wine and topped off everyone’s glass.  “Normally, April, I would agree with you, but not this time.  Our classmates _are_ turning against us and at an alarming rate.”

Mark choked on his wine a bit at that remark and as he dabbed his mouth with his napkin he declared, “Wot, ‘aven’t those birds ‘eard of the famous Solo Charm?  Or the smooth seductive skills of UNCLE’s resident Russian?  Wot ‘ave you been doin’?”

“First of all, every one of those women is a married mother madly in love with her husband, so they couldn’t care less about our charms.  Secondly, Illya started our downfall when he told them how we toilet trained Leona in three days.”

April’s eyebrows shot up.  “ _Three days?_ It took my cousin _weeks_ to train her daughter!”

Illya grunted, “That was the general consensus of the women with toddlers who had started toilet training them.  To say they were annoyed with me is putting it mildly.  That was Monday.”

“To be fair,” Napoleon added, “we might have been able to survive the ‘weekend toilet training’ debacle _if_ Leona were more of a typical child.”

“’Ow so, mate?”

“On Tuesday, Alice, our instructor, asked each of us about our child’s development and use of language.  When I told the group that I speak to Leona in Korean, Russian, French and English, I could feel the temperature of the room dropping.  When Napoleon said that he speaks to her in French, Italian and English, it became positively Siberian.”

Napoleon sighed, “Alice asked if perhaps we might be overwhelming her and when I answered that she seems to understand all the languages and can speak them, as much as a two year old speaks, I swear she pursed her lips and looked piqued.  And then today, the subject was ‘The Terrible Twos’ and everyone with a toddler had a temper tantrum story to tell.”

April laughed, “Let me guess: Except you two.”     

Illya sniffed, “I refuse to apologize for Leona being a good baby or for us being good parents!  This is not a competition in my estimation.”

“I think I know what the problem is, Gentlemen,” April announced.  “You’re perfect and you’re intimidating the women.”  She raised her hand to quiet their protests.  “Think about it.  If Natalie or Susan or Linda suddenly turned up during an affair and seemed to be better agents than either one of you, wouldn’t _you_ feel a little intimidated?  Like, what am I doing wrong that these people with no experience are better than I am?  And on top of that, they more than likely have it in their heads that, as women, they _should_ have it all over you in the childrearing department and the fact that they _don’t_ is probably killing them.”

They all got up from the table and moved into the living room for a nightcap.  Napoleon sighed, “You may have a point, April.  Leona is coming with us tomorrow to take part in the lab.”

“’Ello, a lab?  Wot does that mean?” Mark asked as he finished his drink and placed his glass on his coaster on the coffee table.

Illya replied, “It means that everyone with a small child brings her to class so that our teacher can observe how we interact with our children and offer suggestions as to how to improve our parenting skills.  It is a very important component of the week, maybe _the_ most important.”

“Darling, you can’t be worried!  I’ve never seen a man take to fatherhood as easily as you have.  And Leona loves you _and_ Napoleon; only a fool would think otherwise.”

“From your mouth to God’s ear,” Napoleon muttered as he sipped his drink.  Louder he said, “I’m getting tired.  You both are welcome to stay if you like.”

“Thanks, Darling, but no,” April replied with a smile, “Mark will drop me home.  We have a meeting tomorrow with Mr. Waverly.”

“I never thought I would live to see the day when I longed for a morning meeting with the Old Man!” Napoleon laughed as the Russian nodded agreement.  “Mothers are scary.”

The four friends walked to the front door where April kissed the cheeks of her hosts while Mark shook their hands.  After locking the door and resetting the alarms, Napoleon and Illya returned to the living room to pick up the glasses and put away the liquor.  Illya was thoughtful.  “Napoleon, do you think April is on to something?”

“I do, Tovarisch.  I have a feeling that everything we do with and say to Leona tomorrow is going to be gone over with a fine – toothed comb.”

The Russian poured one last shot before putting his vodka back in the freezer.  Downing it in one gulp he said, “It is not going to be an easy day.  I’m going to bed.  Goodnight, Napoleon.”

“’Night, Partner.”


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning both men were up and dressed even earlier than usual.  Illya woke Leona up to get her ready while Napoleon made coffee and breakfast.  As they ate Illya reminded Leona, “Today you will be coming to Papa and Daddy’s school.  There will be other children there, too and you will be able to play with them.  How does that sound?”

“Good, Papa!” she answered.  She was dressed in a navy blue jumper over a white blouse, white knee socks and navy patent leather shoes with blue and white striped ribbons tied into bows at the end of each pigtail.

“Hey, Papa, don’t you think Leona’s just a teensy bit overdressed?  I’m kind of thinking the other kids will probably be wearing dungarees and sneakers.  Maybe she should wear something else.”

Leona looked at what she was wearing and her bottom lip began to quiver.  “Daddy no like?”

“Oh, sweetheart, don’t cry!  Daddy loves what you have on; I just thought you might be more comfortable in pants.”

“I want to wear this, Daddy.  Papa said I look nice.”

“You _do_ look nice.  I have an idea; why don’t you go get a pair of jeans and a top from your clothes that are on the chair in your room and we’ll take them with us.  That way, if you want to get on the floor and play, you can change.  Is that alright?”

“Yes, Daddy!”  She jumped down to go to her room, but was intercepted and kissed on the temple by him.  Giggling now, she walked to her room.

“Catastrophe averted,” the Russian said as he rose from the table, “It would not do to have Alice and the class meet Leona while her eyes are red from crying.”

When they arrived at the class’s building, they saw a note by the elevator directing Alice’s students to go to the tenth floor.  Stepping off the elevator, they saw a door directly in front of them that said “Parenting Lab.”  

“This must be the place,” Napoleon said as he removed Leona’s coat, hat and mittens.  “Let’s check out this new adventure, shall we?”  He held open the door and motioned for Leona to walk in ahead of him followed closely by Illya. 

The room was quite large; along one wall was a carpeted play area.  Chairs were a distance away on the opposite side of the room set up in a semi - circle.  There were several women already there, four of them with toddlers in tow.  Napoleon gave his best smile.  “Good morning!”

“Good morning!” the group echoed back as the men approached them with the little girl in their wake.

“Ladies, good morning,” Illya said with a slight smile, “May I present my daughter, Leona Nicole.”  He bent down and turned her to face the group.  Say hello, Daughter.”

“Hello!” she said and then hid her face in his shoulder in a fit of shyness.

Natalie stepped forward holding a little girl’s hand.  “Hello, Leona Nicole.  This is _my_ daughter, Maria.  She’s two years old, too.  Say hi, Maria.”

“Hi,” the little girl said before extending her hand to Leona who, after receiving an encouraging smile from Papa, took it and walked with Maria over to the play area. 

Similar introductions were made until all the children were busily amusing themselves playing; the three boys were pushing fire trucks around while Maria and Leona were baking imaginary food in a Suzy Homemaker oven.  A few minutes later, Alice walked in with another young woman and waved all the adults over to the chairs.  “Hi, everyone!  Good morning!  Have a seat.  This is Carlotta Jones; she’s a graduate student at Columbia going for her Master’s in Early Child Development and she’s going to be keeping an eye on the children while we’re talking.  I’ll let her tell you what will be going on in the play area today.”

Carlotta sat forward and smiled at the group.  Napoleon noted that she appeared to be in her late twenties with brown hair, about five feet four inches tall with freckles sprinkled across the bridge of her nose.  “Hi.  I’m going to be performing assessments of some of the children’s development. All the kids will know is that we’ll be playing games and doing activities that are going to be fun and enjoyable. For example, we will be reading picture books, drawing, telling stories, doing puzzles, sorting shapes, playing with the build – a – bricks, etc.; things designed to assess thinking, memory, language, color vision, attention, and tests of early reading and number skills.  Yes, you have a question?”

“I do,” Natalie replied, “Will we be getting these results today.  In front of everyone?”

Carlotta answered, “Oh, no!  To both questions.  I will take each child’s raw scores back to Columbia where I will tally the results and they will be rechecked by my professors.  Then I will mail the results to you with whatever recommendations I make.”

“ _That’s_ a relief,” Carol said, “It wouldn’t be very nice to bring up a child’s… _shortcomings_ in front of all the parents.”  One would have had to be blind not to see her looking directly at the men as she spoke.

Illya bristled, but Napoleon signaled him to stay quiet.  Giving her one of his smiles that didn’t quite reach his eyes he asked, “Carol, is there some reason you were looking at Eddie and me when you said that?”

Carol flushed slightly, but you could almost see her screwing up her courage to speak.  “Well,” she began, “You said you found Leona in Korea, but she doesn’t…look…”

Illya spoke quietly, but clearly, a sure sign that he was starting to get angry.  “She does not look _what?_ ”

Susan looked at Carol who now was wearing a “deer in the headlights” expression and decided to step into the conversation.  “She means that little girl has some Negroid features.  We saw it as soon as you came in; she’s mixed.  Everyone knows half - breeds are not as bright…”

“What are you _doing_?” Alice hissed, “How _dare_ you say such things about Eddie’s daughter?”

“I’m only saying out loud what everyone else is thinking! Carol and I’ve been talking this whole situation over with our husbands and _they_ think there’s something strange about you two!”  

That statement caused an outburst from the women that was quickly squashed by their teacher.  “Carlotta!” Alice called, “Please take the children to Room 1015.  The adults and I have things to discuss.  Parents, tell your children it’s OK to go with Carlotta.”  She watched and listened while the children were told it was fine and they would be back soon.  When the children were gone she said, “Susan, you owe these gentlemen an apology.”

Illya, who had been sitting as still as a statue, leaned forward and snarled, “I neither want nor need your apology!  You are a hateful shrew of a woman and I _pity_ you!”  He cast his gaze at Carol.  “Both of you!”

Now that she had spoken up, Susan was not backing down.  “Come on!  What regular guy wants to raise a little girl?  And with another _man_ no less?  What do you get out of it?             She turned back to Alice.  “My husband thinks they must either be sissies or child...”

“Do not _dare_ to finish that sentence,” Illya spat out in a voice that frightened Susan into silence.  “I will not sit here and be insulted and accused of such despicable behavior by the likes of you!”

Natalie had tears in her eyes when she said, “Eddie, Navarre, I promise you that _I_ don’t agree with Carol and Susan and neither do the other women.”  Murmurs of agreement were heard from their otherwise speechless classmates.  “Your daughter seems like a lovely little girl and I think she is lucky to have you!”  She turned her gaze to the two women who had put the class in an uproar.  “Why can’t you accept that Eddie wants to provide a safe loving home to a child in need?”

“Because…because men can’t be trusted around little girls!” Susan yelled before breaking down in tears in her seat.  “They just…can’t!”

Illya watched as Susan sobbed in her seat as Carol tried to comfort her.  He slid his chair a little closer to her and said, “Susan, I think I understand.  Just because a man you trusted when you were a child betrayed you does not mean _all_ men act that way.  Perhaps you think you are ringing the alarm to protect a child, but she needs no protection from me; her father.”

Susan regained her composure and sat for a few moments while Carol rubbed her back and spoke softly to her.  

Alice was thinking, _Maybe now we can just continue with the class!_

Illya was uncomfortable; he did not like being the center of attention, a position he had found himself in from the first day he and Napoleon had entered the parenting class.  He was slightly embarrassed for having let his mask of cool control slip to reveal his emotions, but he was not sorry he had snapped at Susan.  _Perhaps now, we can get back to the business at hand._

“Susan,” Alice asked, “are you alright?  Can we put this behind us and go forward?”

Susan sat up straight in her chair.  “No.  What Eddie and Navarre are doing is wrong, it’s disgusting and I think they are perverts!”

Napoleon looked her square in the eye and said, “Wow, all of that and you didn’t even know we’re roommates.”

“Susan, you are no longer welcome in my class.  Please go get your son and leave.”  Susan stood without another word and with dirty looks thrown the men’s way, walked out of the room.   Alice looked at Carol.  “You have a choice; apologize to these men now or you are welcome to leave, too.”

“Well, I, I, never thought Eddie and Navarre were homo…uh, perv…um,” she stammered, “um, bad people.  I was just surprised to see the little girl is part…”  Her voice faded as she realized what she was saying.  “I mean, the way you two go on about how bright she is…”

Napoleon glared and responded, “Oh, I see; you’re not a homophobe or a sexist, just a racist.”  A knock on the classroom door followed by Carlotta’s head poking through stopped him from continuing.

“Excuse me, Alice?  Leona wanted to speak with her Papa.  She’s not happy.”  

She stepped aside to allow the worried looking toddler to pass her.  She went straight to Illya and climbed into his lap.  “ _Papa, mama Fryeddi prishli v to vryemya, kak mi igrali i skhvatil yego i skazal, chto oni shli domoy. Ona posmotryela na myenya, kak ona bila zlyatsya na myenya. Ya bil plokho? Ya sdyelal chto-to nyepravilʲno?_ Papa, Freddie's mommy came in while we were playing and grabbed him and said they were going home.  She looked at me like she was mad at me.  Was I bad?  Did I do something wrong?”

Illya hugged her closely.  “ _Nyet, dochʲ, vi sdyelali nichyego plokhogo. Mama Fryeddi bil rasstroyen, potomoo chto yey prishlosʲ ostavitʲ, vot i vsye. Ona imyeyet nichyego obshtyego s vami._ No, Daughter, you have done nothing wrong.  Freddie's mommy was upset because she had to leave, that's all.  It had nothing to do with you.”

Alice leaned toward Napoleon and softly asked, “What language are they speaking?  I don’t recognize it.”

Napoleon was watching and listening to Illya and Leona.  “Russian.  Apparently, Susan made her feel like she had done something bad.  Eddie is assuring her she’s done nothing wrong.”  Leona looked his way and with a gesture, he called her to him.  

Climbing down from Papa’s lap, she walked to Daddy and when he picked her up she said, “ _Non mi piace qui. Voglio andare a casa. Possiamo per favore andare casa?_    I don't like it here.  I want to go home.  Can we please go home?”

Linda perked up.  “Oh, she _does_ speak Italian!  Can we hear her say something else?  Any language, it doesn’t matter.”

The looks on the two men’s faces spurred the teacher to outrage and action.  “She is Eddie’s _daughter!_    She is upset and you want her to entertain you?  I have had just about enough.  Eddie, Navarre, I am so, so sorry that you had to go through this nonsense.  I am completely embarrassed by and ashamed of some of my other students’ behavior.  Tomorrow’s class is mostly a review of the week’s lessons and a chance for people to ask questions.  From what I’ve seen this week, you two are quite knowledgeable about parenting.  I’m excusing you both; I will inform my director that you have passed the course and your certificates will be issued.  You will receive them in the mail next week.  Take care, gentlemen.  Leona, it was very nice to meet you.”

Leona smiled at her and said, “Bye!”

Natalie followed the men out the door into the hallway after they had grabbed their coats.  “Eddie, Navarre, I hope you know I don’t feel that way.  In fact, I would like it very much if Leona and Maria could have playdates.  I think they would like that.”

Illya smiled shyly and said, “Thank you for saying that.  Unfortunately, that will not be possible.  If circumstances were different, it would be wonderful, indeed.  It was very nice to meet you, Natalie.”

Napoleon, who had been holding Leona during this conversation, put her down and held out his hand.  When Natalie took it, he kissed the back of it and said, “It was a pleasure.”

Natalie blushed at the courtly gesture.  “Well, I’d better get back inside.  Goodbye.”

The Russian put on Leona’s coat and hat and then reached over to push the elevator call button.  “Let us go home.”

 

 

  


	5. Chapter 5

The following Monday, Illya and Napoleon were waiting in Miss Rogers’ office at 9AM waiting to speak with Mr. Waverly.  When they had arrived at HQ at 7AM, they had left word that they wished to speak with the Old Man and were informed that he was already in his office on a conference call with the Number Ones of Asia and Africa.

The intercom on Miss Rogers’ desk buzzed and when she picked up, she was told to let the agents enter.  Smiling, she waved her hand toward the door like a spokes model showing off a new car on a game show.  “You may go in, gentlemen.”

“Mr. Solo!  Mr. Kuryakin!  Good to have you back; how was the class?”

Illya looked uncomfortable and finally asked, “Permission to speak freely, Sir?”

“Go ahead.”

“If I had been in that class for any reason other than Leona Nicole, I would have left the first morning.  The instructor was fine, but we met absolutely horrible women who looked upon Leona with contempt and prejudice and upon us with mistrust and suspicion.  Fortunately, there were a couple of women who seemed friendly, but even they seemed to look upon Leona as some kind of novelty.  I truly hope Napoleon and I no longer have to jump through hoops to keep our baby.”  Suddenly trepidatious that he had overstepped, he quickly added, “Of course, if you deem it necessary that Napoleon and I attend another class…”

“It’s alright, Mr. Kuryakin, I did say you could speak freely.  According to Child Services’ Director, your instructor was also upset by the vitriol displayed by two of your classmates; however, he impressed upon me that you are receiving completion certificates not because of pity or sympathy, but because you met the standards they look for in parenting skills.  Neither one of you will be asked to take any more classes.”

The relief on their faces said everything they did not.  “Thank you, sir” was all they said.

“Very well then,” Mr. Waverly remarked, “I had to send Miss Dancer and Mr. Slate to New Mexico on an affair.  He left a status report on your desk, Mr. Solo, on all the affairs currently underway.  Additionally, your expense account report is overdue.  I expect it by close of business.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Mr. Kuryakin, I was most pleased with the progress you’ve made in your experiments and I am looking forward to your reports at their conclusion.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you.  Plan on being assigned to HQ for the next two weeks.  Dismissed.”

As they walked toward the elevator bank to return to their office, Illya groused, “I know I wanted to finish my experiments, but _two weeks_ out of the field?”  He huffed in disgust.

“Look at the bright side, Tovarisch.  We’ll get to spend some quality time with Leona Nicole!”

The Russian smiled.  “You are right, of course.  She’s ours now, Napoleon, truly ours.  Those women tried to make us feel like freaks, but they failed.  We prevailed like we always do.”  He sighed in satisfaction.  “Two weeks of reading stories and singing songs.  Hugs and kisses morning and night.  That is something to look forward to, Napoleon.”

“Indeed, it is, Partner Mine.  And at lunchtime today, I’m going to start setting up my dates.  I am behind schedule; there’s Wendy, Cheryl, Colby…”

Illya rolled his eyes.  “I am talking about hugs and kisses from our daughter and you are planning conquests.”

Napoleon threw his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders.  “One does not preclude the other, my friend.”       


End file.
